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Living With APS

November 12, 2011
I guess I was in my mid teens when I started noticing I did not feel as well as I thought I should. I was constantly tired,(what teenager isn`t) and I think for the most part people considered me a bit of a drama queen. I had been through a lot for one so young and the worst was yet to come in so many ways.
I had already witnessed my mothers` suicide right before the Christmas holidays in 1949.She had been sick most of my childhood and looking back now I am positive she too had APS(Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome).My life had been turned on it`s axis and nothing ever would be the same except to get worse.
I sometimes cannot help but wonder had she lived what things would have been like.I honestly feel it would have driven her to do what she did no matter what.She also had to live with the charming rogue who was her husband and my father.He also happened to be manic-depressive. I remember vividly the night she told me she was about to give me a brother or sister and her sitting in her dressing room and putting my hand on her stomach so I could feel the baby move.I have fleeting memories,her face and her voice with her charming Spanish accent is always in my head.Her smell(Joy) is a constant even now as I am an senior citizen,She would come into my room at night swathed in an evening gown and furs looking like something out of a movie,touch me and kiss my head as they would head out for the evening to a party,or the theater. These however are but of a few of the good memories.
I can also see her shaking(seizure) and repeatedly collapsing down the curving staircase of our home and lying in a heap.Countless trips to Drs, and so called sanatoriums  for whatever healing and restorative powers they may bring.Tests that I overheard that frightened me to death,such as getting her brain filled with air and then I suppose some kind of X-Ray. These were far before the advent of MRIs and any kind of scans.
For the most part I was raised to that point in life by a wonder couple that lived with us who were Japanese.Tessie and Toschimo,and Mrs Jones(housekeeper,gardener,and nanny).I have always also felt that if she had lived my sister and I would have gone to boarding schools.She put my father first.He was a full time job in itself. He and his brother had become wealthy by fitting and engineering the gun turrets for the B-29 bombers of WWII.

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One Comment
  1. Reblogged this on Cloie43's Blog and commented:

    SO the saga continues before the final curtain comes down on a rather sullied life.

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